this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
