I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
