I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
