I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
