yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
