some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
