Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
