what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
