and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
