its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
