It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We got so high we made milksteak
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Randomize
