so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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