You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't turn off my feet"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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