there's paper in my vomit.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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