I'm so fucking centered right now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
