During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
