sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
