I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
