so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
