It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
