Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
