new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
