i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
