So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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