We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
