pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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