I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
