Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
