I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
