I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
