he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
