So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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