I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
