Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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