Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize