it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize