I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
