new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize