i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
