how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
