Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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