If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
