call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
