I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
