I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize