just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm both gender and math confused
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
