every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize