i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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