I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
