You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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