just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
