I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
