Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
