I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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