I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
