Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize