The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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