I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
