walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
