It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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