and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Welp...herpes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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