Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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