so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
