:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
