so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
